Somewhere along the line, between juggling kids' schedules, working, household chores, and doing my own life, I let myself go. I stopped dancing, stopped finding time to lift weights, and honestly didn't even really walk that much (aside from my step count working in the hospital). I wasn't really doing some of the things I used to love, and I wasn't really prioritizing my health.
At one point, when my kids were about 3 and 6, I tried a bootcamp style class, and ended up sitting in a puddle of sadness crying in front of the male coach and all of the 12 or so class members. I remember everyone, including the coach, being encouraging, but I felt so embarrassed,
and so disappointed in my abs.
I could hardly do a single crunch, let alone more complicated core exercises like planks and crab walks, and the people waiting across the room for me to do my round before they could start theirs were... waiting a long time for me. I felt like no one understood what my body had been through and why I was struggling so much. I also felt an immense amount of pressure to catch up to everyone else. I used to love working out, and by now my kids were older (ie I "should have" recovered from postpartum changes, at least in my mind), so why was this so hard? I gave up again.
When the pandemic hit, I actually got back into working out, a little bit. I started doing online workouts, and used small weights I had sitting around the house. Again I felt let down by my core. I struggled to get up off the ground without using my arms to push up. How could I handle the quick pace and tricky exercises? I felt ashamed when I constantly had to follow the modified version, which seemed so extremely basic and easy compared to the "normal" level. It took me about 18 months to see any sort of results, and even then I wasn't thrilled. I still had a round belly that stuck out over my C-section scar.
At this point, my youngest kiddo was 5. I was FIVE YEARS postpartum, and was struggling so much to find my stride. I had a sudden, sinking realization that I actually had really not done anything in particular to help my core, or my pelvic floor, heal after the birth of my two kids. And now look how things were going!
I won't lie and said it got easy from there. I did try harder with fueling my body and doing more exercise, but I still didn't have a clear direction on how to get my core up to speed with the rest of me. This was problematic, because the core affects literally every single thing you do. Even when you lift a dumbbell with one bicep, you have to brace your core and keep good posture.
Eventually, a few more years went by and I started taking courses to get specialized training and certification so I could help serve pregnant and postpartum mamas. I am now a certified Pregnancy and Postpartum Corrective Exercise Specialist (PCES). I am so proud!
I tried a ton of exercises along the way, but it still wasn't quite clicking.
It wasn't until I co-hosted my most recent Mom + Baby group, along with one of my awesome OT Doctorate students, Danielle, that I started putting things together to make a change. One of the themes woven deeply into the threads of our group talks was the idea of taking things slow, making changes as they come, and releasing the pressure of making one huge change overnight. Good things take time. We talked a lot about how to start by connecting with the core and pelvic floor during exercise, but also during regular, mundane life tasks. We emphasized how important it is to start to feel when the core is engaged, and what the pelvic floor is doing during various activities, so that gradually there is more intention with engaging
these muscles when they are needed, or when relaxing them when they need a rest.
I'm not sure if it was the accountability of the group, the excitement that came out of hearing other women share their challenges and success stories, or that I finally had an "aha" moment, but I finally started really taking a look at what I was doing with my core and pelvic floor. I made a commitment to myself to do a few very basic, very slow exercises each day, focused only on connecting and feeling what my muscles were doing.
And suddenly... I see a change. It's not huge or noticeable, but I see it. I feel it. I had to find a way to combat the overwhelm of overhauling my diet and exercise, and start small. It's amazing what can happen when your movement is more intentional and you connect better to what your body is actually needing to do. You feel things more deeply, you isolate movement and strengthening techniques better, and, perhaps most importantly (at least for this OT-minded lady!), you can carry it all over into your day-to-day life! When you truly know how to engage your core at the right times, you can protect your back and stay active in all the things you want to do. Like the dishes and laundry (ha).
I am also doing a little bit better with speaking more kindly to myself, as I would speak to a friend. More on that journey later.
If you want to get started today, with something small but meaningful, try observing and noting what your core and pelvic floor are doing. Notice what you feel when you are sitting at your desk or kitchen table. Ask yourself some of these questions:
Are you clenching anywhere?
Do you feel a bulge, a leak?
Are you holding tension in your shoulders, your back, your abs, your feet, or even your pelvic floor?
Can you feel when your pelvic floor relaxes or grips?
{Try changing position and noting again - lie on your back or side, stand, walk around, or get on all fours.}
Do you notice more or less of what your core and pelvic floor are doing?
Are you able to clench or relax certain areas "on command" (when you want?)
Take a few days or a week to make a conscious effort to just be aware of what your body is doing. I can't tell you how much this will help when you start to work your way back to exercise, whatever that looks like for you. Intentional, aware movements are game-changers!
As for it being too late to make a change... NO! At least, I don't think so. I think the point when you are ready, when you are really and truly ready to make a change, is the right time. You will be more committed, reach out and find the resources you need, and see the value in what you're doing, when you are ready, on your own time. Is it good to start returning to exercise and strengthening your core and pelvic floor shortly after birthing a baby? Maybe so. But that doesn't mean it's too late for you.
Here I am, with one who is 7 and the other about to turn 10, and I am seeing the change.
I can feel the small gap in my abs slowly closing, and my belly flattening, ever so slightly. I'm working on accepting my body for the way it is right now. Do I still speak negatively to myself? Yes, often. We'll keep working on that part.
If you feel like a mama group would be a good way for you to go, for that accountability and camaraderie, join us! We have new virtual groups starting up in April, and we'd LOVE to have you. And if you're not quite there yet, that's ok, too. We'll wait for you.
Disclaimer: Content provided by mighty mOThers, LLC is informational in intent, and is not meant to replace or contradict guidance provided by your personal doctor, therapist, or other healthcare practitioner. Please contact your healthcare provider or schedule a 1:1 evaluation with an OT with specific concerns, and call 911 if you are having a physical or mental health emergency.
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